to become a doctor
to labor to slave for years and years
toiling trying to learn
the bones the tendons the vessels the nerves
the ins and outs of anatomy
when we’re young we sing
the knee bone’s connected to the hip bone
now we frown frustrated first year
carpal bones
metacarpal bones
proximal bones
distal phalanx
proximal middle distal phalanges
ulnar radial median nerves
meissner’s ruffini’s
and just what is a corpuscle
claw hand sign of benediction
klumpke’s and erb-duchenne
rheumatoid osteoarthritis
at least we know carpal tunnel syndrome
diseases syndromes paralysis
second year studies of symptoms and signs
third year dawns a new day a new life
now we have arrived
we learned we struggled but we are ready
we have the knowledge
the tools have been purchased
stored and cataloged awaiting their use
we will diagnose
we will treat
we will heal
my first patient
elderly demented non-responsive
heart regular rate and rhythm
lungs are clear to auscultation bilaterally
pupils nonreactive to light
my list grows my physical exam skills honed
but then she grabbed my hand.
my heart beats faster (a sympathetic response)
the toolbox is opened
causes of an increased grip strength in a semicomatose patient
my mind races to the finish to the conclusion
create a differential find the problem design a treatment strategy
what do i do
then i looked at her (the patient is a female caucasian)
she is a she.
i looked around the room
she has a family
she has loved ones
she is a wife a mother a grandmother a friend
i closed my eyes and breathed
the smell of vanilla wafted its way through my nostrils
she is cared for
she is loved
i opened my eyes
saw my grandmother lying there
saw my mother lying there
and so I sat down
and held her hand.